Tuesday, 16 October 2012
Every now and then we all have formidable obstacles that we can't see ourselves climbing out of. And sometimes, for a short period of time your mind tricks yourself into thinking it is possible. It is possible to run far away where nothing of it exists and to be never haunted by it again. But the mind is treacherous; it leads you back to the very same person, to the very same scene, to the very same call in your soul that you can never entirely block out. You, my friend will never change.You will never stop what you are doing and you will never turn back or turn away. And am I to stand by and watch, for it is not the human being I care about, it is my impossible idea of the human being. Should it falter, I would fall. Should the image distort itself, a valuable part of me would be forever lost. Perhaps, after all this time; it was only ever about me. Perhaps it is the only possible way I can keep myself safe. The only possible way to survive like a clover in a hurricane. To be so against nature, so specifically inadequate and so terribly unequipped. But whatever it was, it has escaped me, my iron clad hold. It has left me despite my inherent masochism and I could not feel better than I do now; could not feel more like myself, for the first time in many many years. It is all real once more.