Retribution is swift...just for the wrong people.

Never think things can't get worse because most of the time your imagination falls short. Bless me father for I have sinned. Before I confess in some typically vague way I want you to know and just you that I am a horribly sinful person for thinking I exercised some sort of right in other people's lives. In all truth, you can't create in these human beings ideas that you were gifted with and most definitely did not inherit. You can't make them respect themselves, you can't show them that lost idea of greatness and make them appreciate it, you can't save them from their petty choices. Most of all you can't live with them knowing that somewhere you're something better and that that can never be enough for those you have chosen to love. They are lies. Not liars, mind you but hideous little lies that someone should have protected me from, that I should have protected me from. I have fallen short and I have failed myself and there is nothing that can grant me forgiveness and peace.

I remember those days when all I felt was an emptiness...a void. Well now it's a wound. Right there in the center of my chest and it bleeds and cries and I can't block out the screams anymore. I can't feel hate or anger, just the relentless screaming like that of a little child left bleeding in the street. My soul feels choked to the brim and I'm knocking on all the doors around me but nobody lets me out. I keep telling myself every single day in the mirror that I'm something proud and beautiful and that no one can take that away from me but what if they're winning? What if they, with their common, mediocre ways are outrunning me and in all truth I don't really care. None of it matters anymore. I don't want their world, all I want is for them to let me go. We all get over our losses and achievements and fifty years from now there'll be absolutely no difference between the two.